It had been five months since the last visit with my shrink. To be specific, my shrink is a psychIATRIST– a medical doctor who is licensed to prescribe medication, as opposed to a psychOLOGIST who is a person who studies human behavior and the human mind. Both may or may not practice psychoTHERAPY, a method for remedying what ails the psyche.
I’m not sure what kind of doctor BeetleJuice’s waiting room buddy there was waiting to see… Is there such a thing as a head un-shrinker? (Better call in Rick Moranis. Now THERE’s a movie mashup just waiting to be made.
The reason I make the trist/gist distinction is that the function of my psychiatrist, as I see it, is mainly oversee my rotation through a series of ADD meds until we find the right one which will, in combination with my own efforts and personal growth and strategic planning, release me from the perils of distraction and impulsivity that my brain, unaided, keeps leading me towards. As a result I will, in theory, begin– or resume — my climb on the ladder of success, self-fulfillment, and fortune. For this purpose alone has Dr. C. spent a decade in medical training. In contrast, a psychologist might try to work with me on strategies and techniques… I think. I have never actually heard of one who deals with ADD.
My shrink laughed at me last week. I told her that I’d only called her after such a long spell because I’d run out of the prescription she’d given me in June — a 28 day prescription. It’s now the middle of December. I told her that I was trying to take it as needed, but since I hardly had any time between July and November to sit down and do any work, I hardly took them. Also, when I did sit down to work in that period, I neglected to or forgot to take them. I admitted that, shortly after I called her, I found another stash of about four doses in my purse where I knew I’d have them with me in case I forgot to take them in the morning. That was the part that got her laughing.
“That’s so ADD!”
An astute, and timely observation. I laughed along. It was a good moment; We bonded a bit, I think.
I told her about how I was not really sure about the effect of this round of medication. I am pretty sure it led to a crash on at least one occasion. I was in the supermarket on the day after I’d taken it. I hadn’t had a dose that day. I started to feel really over-caffeinated and jittery, and acutely aware of all the chaos around me…. which had never felt like chaos before. The supermarket is always a busy place but I don’t usually feel like I am at the centre of some storm. It was odd and unpleasant. I felt weak as well, and would have liked to sit down, but since there was no opportunity to do so, I just pushed on.
Honestly, I am not sure it was a crash or that it was at all connected to the meds, though I did notice a coming-down at other times on other meds. This is one of the things I was afraid of.
The Doc told me that the meds certainly may have played a role in my odd experience at the grocery store, and that if I’d been taking them every day as prescribed, it might have not happened. She says I misunderstood about taking it as needed and that until I figure out what meds, if any, work for me, I should take them consistently for a few weeks.
I am always afraid that I’ll become dependent on medication. I am afraid I won’t be able to ‘get back’ to where I was before– back to my brain baseline. I am afraid that the medication will cause permanent changes– if not damage– to my brain. I’m afraid I will lose my ability to be creative. I am afraid I won’t see inspiration all around me.
She said I could take a medication break on Saturdays.
I dutifully took one dose the first Monday after my visit. I don’t know that it did anything.
Actually, I know it did something because I was ravenous in the evening, which meant I hadn’t eaten enough in the day, which is not the worst side effect, in my case.
Let’s see how the rest of this stash goes. If I really like them, I have four extras in my purse…